I'm sorry. I know its been a long time since I posted but I let life get to hectic and now I am paying for it. When I started my new job in June I was so excited. Then in December I decided to put in for full time. Only problem is you have to be available 6 am to 10 pm Monday through Friday. Well I got the job and now after only one month I know the schedule isn't going to work. I guess I was only looking at the benefits and the extra $$. I've been having anxiety attacks ever since I interviewed for it and then after I got it they got worse. Now that I have figured out what is going on I have to do something about it and I'm not sure my Manager is going to like it. But I have to talk to her today and let her know it isn't working out and I need to only work Monday - Friday 8 - 5 and maybe and occasional weekend with closing or something. no more nights and every weekend. My family and I can't take it. It may mean getting a new job but I guess that is life. I hope I can find something and I am praying and relying on God for that. I already put in an application at a bank that is just down the street from where we live and I am hoping that it will work out. The hours and benefits would work great. So please pray that God would work in this. I really want his will in my life and am looking for it. I have started reading more in my daily Bible study. I know it is important to be in His Word if you want to know what He wants for you. And I am praying more.
This has been a wake up call for me. I can't let my life get out of control because it causes me great anxiety and depression. I've started seeing a counselor again and also am making some changes in my daily life. I need to be taking care of myself physically, and mentally. I've let friendships go by the wayside because my schedule has been so hectic and I haven't spent near enough time with my immediate family either. My dad had brain surgery in August and I've only seen him twice I think since then. And I haven't been able to go to him, he has had to come here.
There are so many things that come into play here. Job being the biggest but also Jeremiah starting school this year. Levi moving to Spokane, my BIL Matthew dying, my late husband's dad died in November of cancer, I haven't had much time for relationships and I feel guilty about wanting to be home and also loving my job and wanting to be there. A lot of pulling going on with the job. It is fun and I love it but the schedule is crappy. So time for some new things to happen.
Sorry to be dumping on all of you but I guess that is what this blog is all about for me. Being real with people since I have a hard time doing it in person. I love my family and extended family so much and I miss spending time with them. There are so many things that I have been missing that I have felt like I am not a part any more.
Today I will talk with my manager and later I will let you know how that goes. Pray for me today and in the days to follow that God would work in my life and help me make the right steps to feeling better and doing what He wants me too. Also pray for James and Jeremiah as they have to live with me as I walk through this!!!
Love you all and have a great day!!
1 comment:
When you are a wife and a Mom it is easy to put everyone else first (job included there because it is a benefit to family) and forget about yourself. But you can't take care of them if you don't take care of yourself. KNow that I am praying for you and I hope things get better soon.
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