Looking for Long Lost Blogger!!

Well here I am.. There has just been TOO much going on in the last couple of months that I haven't had time to blog. Play Yoville on Facebook but not blog!!! LOL That has been the new craze in my family and extended family. We get on and chat with each other while we play, which is kind of nice considering there are some here, some in Washington and some in Florida. Keeps us connected.

We went to visit the kids and grand kids in October and boy did we have fun. James had never gone with before as he usually has a big hunting trip the same week I am gone. This year he decide the Big hunting trip would be a no go and he could do some smaller hunts on weekends. So he took a week off and away we went to surprise the kids as they didn't know he was coming. To say they were surprised is an understatement. It was priceless and we all had a wonderful time. Of course we had to go to the Big Cabela's store that was close by....three times....including on the way home!! It was really neat to tour the city with the kids and see some neat things around the area.

When we got home it was hard to get back in the groove. I think we are just now starting to get there and now the next two months will fly by. We had some awesome news before we left on our trip. James' brother and his family are moving back here from Florida. We all have been praying and patiently (yeah right) waiting for the Lord to put everything in place. Well He did and now they should be home by Thanksgiving. So now we are praying for good weather for their moving and jobs when they get here. It is so awesome to watch God work in our lives.

So then once they get here it will be Thanksgiving and then getting ready for Christmas and then Christmas will be here and then the New Year. Wow. The one of the coolest things for me is that I have two weeks off this year for Christmas and one of those weeks my Handsome Man will be home with me. That sounds like a great time. Maybe by then there will be snow and we can take the boys sledding along with the cousins and there folks!! Can't wait to white wash Don!!! Love you BIL-ly!! Hopefully I can run or slide away fast enough not to get white washed back!!!

Well that about brings things up to date. Soon I will post pictures of things that have happened the past couple of months.

Take care and have fun!!!

They call this one "Word Association" I guess!!

1. Where is your cell phone? Hip
2. Your significant other? James
3. Your hair? Brown
4. Your mother? Juanita
5. Your father? Robert
6. Your favorite thing? Reading
7. Your dream last night? didnt' have one
8 Your favorite drink? Milk
9. Your dream/goal? Debt free!!
10. The room you’re in? Bedroom
11. Your hobby? presently...flower gardens
12. Your fear? deep water
13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Here
14. What you’re not? flambouyant
15. Muffins? Apple Struesel
16. One of your wish list items? new kitchen
17. Where you grew up? MT
18. The last thing you did? talked on the phone
19. What are you wearing? grimy jeans...just got done making new flowerbed!
20. Favorite gadget? Your looking at it!! well at your own! :)
21. Your pets? Loving
22. Your computer? Awesome
23. Your mood? chillin'
24. Missing someone? Several
25. Your car? Lumina
26. Something you’re not wearing? Food
27. Favorite store? JCP
28. Like someone? too many to name
29. Your favorite color? Purple...can't you tell!!
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today
31. Last time you cried? Monday

Tagged Alphabet Style...

A. Attached or Single attached for 8 wonderful years
B. Best Friend? My husband, James
C. Cake or pie? Pie...banana cream or peach or apple
D. Day of choice? Saturday
E. Essential Item my computer: email, internet explorer
F. Favorite color? purple
G. Gummy bears or worms? Neither!!
H. Hometown? Billings, MT
I. Indulgence? Time on the computer, coloring my hair
J. January or July? July
K. Kids? Yes - 3 of my own and 4 I inherited by choice!! :)
L. Life isn’t complete without? God, family, friends
M. Marriage date? February 3, 2001
N. Number of brothers & sisters? 1 of each
O. Orange or apples? oranges
P. Phobias? Spiders, snakes, some heights
Q. Quote? ????
R. Reasons to smile? Husband, kids, playing games with family and friends
S. Season of choice? Spring
T. Tag some peeps: Tawny, Dani, anyone who wants to do this!
U. Unknown fact about me: If I told you it wouldn't be "unknown" now would it!!
V. Vegetable? Most
W. Worst habit? stressing about things
X. Last Xray? beats me
Y. Your favorite food? Comfort
Z. Zodiac sign? ????

Awesome!

Tonight after we got home it started to storm. We knew it was coming but weren't sure how bad it would be. The lightening was AWESOME!! The thunder louder than I have heard in a long time and then the rain was almost deafening on the metal roof of our house. It was great!! I really love storms as long as there isn't anything hurt by them. Tonight was just a great night of sitting and listening to the awesome power of God.
When I was a kid we lived out on the farm. I can remember one summer when we seemed to be getting more than our fair share of storms. My little sis was still pretty small and my mom was on the phone with my Aunt in town 30 minutes away from where we lived. All of a sudden there was a sound like some one knocking and then all heck broke loose. The sound was awful. Glass breaking, mom hollering for us to get into the middle room in the house. Later when we were able to go look we found hail the size of baseballs in our living room and a layer of them outside the house. It was unreal. It came from the west and everything on that side of the house was demolished. The cars had dents and broken windows. Our animals looked like someone had taken broken bottles to them and beaten the tar out of them. It was pretty bad. Then when my brother and dad went out to check the damage they were headed out around the shop when lightening hit out in our field. Boy did they get their tails back in the house fast. That was the worst storm I have ever been in.
I don't know why they fascinate me but they do. Although lightening can be scary to me sometimes. If you have a favorite memory of a storm in your life please tell me about it. I'd love to hear from people who stop by here.
Have a Rainy Day!!! lol

Why so much anxiety?

For several years now I have battled anxiety attacks. I lost my husband, Carver, after almost nine years of marriage. He had battled cancer for two years before it took him. I don't remember losing it because I was always afraid that if I started to cry I wouldn't stop. So I ran as fast and as hard as I could from the pain. I started dating a wonderful man within a VERY short time and we were married less than a year after Carver had died. James is awesome and we have now been married for almost 8 years.
Well 3 years ago, it finally caught up with me. No more running, no more hiding....it hit me like a freight train one week before the 5th anniversary of Carver's death. I thought I was having a heart attack and went in to be checked. It was indigestion they figured and sent me to my family doctor. ( Which I didn't have at the time!) Anyway the doc I saw was nice but a little to forthright with information like "it could be..." and listed several things the last of which was esophageal cancer. Just what someone like me needed to here given my history of losing my husband to cancer. Anyway, my mom is the one who figured out what was going on and so that same doc without talking with me or having me see a psych doc tried to put me on an antidepressant...which caused a panic attack....which landed me at the hospital seeing the PAC team which consists of a physician and a counselor aka a psych doc. He said you don't need an antidepressant...you need to deal with your grief but you do need something to help with your anxiety attacks. Well that started a painful path of healing. It has taken almost all of the last 3 years to deal with everything...especially since I am remarried and that adds another weird dimension to grieving my late husband! Talk about strange feelings. I am just truly blessed with a guy who is patient, kind and understanding along with being the most loving, giving person I have ever met. Well things did get better and I was finally headed for healing when we were hit again. First with my brother-in-law, Matthew, dying in a car accident in September of last year than we were hit again when a very close friend of ours died suddenly of a heart attack in March. I am reeling again. Although the one thing I am finding is that I don't want to run this time. I want to cry and get mad and yell and throw things.....although as of yet I haven't thrown anything. I just hate how it all feels. I hurt for me, for James and for K's widow M, for James' folks and family. M is such an awesome lady and I love her to pieces. I just hate seeing her go through this and I hate having to go through it. I love James' folks so much and I can see the pain it causes his mom. It hurts as bad as before when Carver died. Only then I think I was only thinking of myself and now I am seeing the hurt of others and that can be almost worse. All you can do is love them, hold them and watch as they walk through all the emotions. And cry with them.
Today was a great day and then for some reason tonight I just all of a sudden hit anxiety mode and then cry mode as I let the emotions that were swirling in me take over. I miss these people so much. I think of K calling me when I was in Spokane with my daughter and him telling me how much James missed me and that I needed to come home before he withered away without me. It made me laugh so hard and yet made me want to come home so badly. Then there were all the jokes and the times he teased me about my curly hair and how he had never seen anyone with such curly hair...of course he was bald on top, so I teased right back at him. I miss those little things that means so much in a relationship. He was just such a good friend.
With Matthew it is a little different. He was like a little brother to me and he was such a good friend to my son when James and I got together. I think about all the times he would come in and say "Hey sista, How's it going?" I loved being his sister. I miss him and his quirky sense of humor but also his honor and how much he cared about people even though he tried to play the tough guy. He was such a sweetheart and I think the thing I loved the most was that he was his own person. He didn't necessarily have to please anyone except himself, but he had respect for his family...especially his mom and dad. He just loved his family and that was Matt.
Anyway tonight has just been kind of a sad, bummer, anxiety, yuck kind of night. The feelings that a person goes through when having a panic attack are nuts. I hate the way I feel when it happens, but if I let it out and talk about it then I can get past it and feel better. That is why I am so blessed with my man. He listens and then when I am done and not so crazy he will tease me into a watery smile with his silliness. I love him so much. I can't even begin to tell you what he means to me. I am so glad God allowed him to be a part of my life.
If you've ever had feelings like this I'd love to hear from you. I hope God blesses you and heals you as He is healing me.
Love you all!!

What a wonderful way to spend the weekend!!

We spent the weekend helping James' folks putting up a decorative fence in their front yard. It took both days to finish it but it was so worth it. When they were done we just sat back and enjoyed the view. My MIL has a huge rock garden with many different types of flowers and bushes in it that is in front of the fence. We also hung some flowers from the fence rails and have some in rail planters. I think she will get some more of them before she is done. Anyway it is beautiful. I will post pictures of it after she is done hanging all the plants.
On Saturday, while the guys worked on the fence she and I did a little shopping and then came home and planted her trees in the back yard. We have been working together for a few weeks now on her yard and mine. So then on Sunday she came over and helped me plant my two trees and two bushes. We had to dig out two dead trees and one live elm that was in the wrong place. Elm trees are such a pain in the bum!! We have a large one that hangs over our driveway where we park and it is dropping sap on my car like crazy. So we decided not to let the sapling grow that had started on the other side of the drive. Dug it up and replaced it with an Aspen tree. Actually I now have 4 Aspens in my back yard. The dogs are not happy with me as they have to be kennelled for now while the yard gets established. I let them run for awhile in the morning and awhile at night. If it was just Freedom it would be ok, but Tucker is just a big puppy still and likes to chew on EVERYTHING!! So he can't be alone in the yard when we are gone.
Back to the yard...it is beautiful. My rosebushes in the front are huge and have TONS of blooms on them. All of the flowers and pots we planted earlier are starting to really take off!! It is gorgeous and peaceful!
Yesterday I transplanted some Lilac bushes out front to fill in the border I want to make with them. I still need to move a few more to the side but it was so hot yesterday I thought I better wait till it cools off a little.
So today I am trying to do some inside work as it is going to be HOT again!!! Don't get me wrong I like heat but this is nuts. I prefer 70's and 80's...when it starts hitting 90 I hibernate in my nice cool house!!
Well I suppose I better get moving, dishes probably won't get done without me!! lol
Hope you all have a great day. Enjoy the little things!

So much time gone by...

Where has the time gone? So much has happened in the last month I'm not sure I can remember it all. So I will just hit the high lights. The beginning of May flew by and then came the time for my daughter and her family to visit. I was so excited to see all of them and then I got a surprise....my son, Levi, and his new bride came with. They only stayed a few days, just long enough to rent a U-haul and dollie to take their things back with them, but it was wonderful to see them both. Then Tawny and family stayed for a week of relaxing fun. I only had to work three days so spent lots of time with the Grand babies. My how they have grown!! Uncle Jeremiah had fun with his niece and nephew. He and Aidyn are only 3 years apart so they had lots of fun. Ely has definitely got Papa James and Uncle Jeremiah wrapped around her little finger. We all had good visits, played games and seemed to eat constantly. Then it was time for them to go back all too soon. Every time they come I find myself thinking how blessed we are that Tawny and Evan got married. He is a wonderful husband and daddy. I love watching him with the little ones. It was a teary goodbye and then a long trip home. I will miss them daily but feel so lucky to be able to see them via Internet and the many pictures Tawny sends me on the cell phone!!!
The last week of school was a bit hectic, but otherwise great. Jeremiah is officially a first grader and very excited about having the summer off. We have great plans on what we want to do this summer including trips to the water park and zoo, and going roller skating. The weather hasn't been very nice so we haven't been able to go to the water park yet but I'm sure it will warm up enough soon so we can. Roller skating is high on the list and we are planning it with lots of friends and family. Hopefully in the next week or two.
We get to go branding out at my Dad's on Father's Day. Should be a fun and wild day as always. The kids and adults get right in there with the roping, and throwing of calves. It really is a blast.
My MIL and I have been working together on our yards for the past week. We have bought flowers, pots and soil and have been working tirelessly (ok that is pushing it) but we have had so much fun in the process. She has TONS of pots with bright colors flowing out. Her favorite is the pansies. There are so many different varieties and the are all so pretty. In my yard we have potted many and also made some new flowerbeds. I am so excited to see it when it is done. I love what we have already done so finishing will be exciting. Then it will be on to the next project which is painting the kitchen. I think I will do a before and after thing with that, because I am really changing things.
Well I think that about catches things up. I know I didn't say much about J, J, B or me but that leaves me something to talk about next time.
See ya!!

Dirty Dancing....

I love music and dancing. Recently I started going to a dance class and I absolutely love it...but James doesn't go with me and that is half the reason I started going. I was hoping he would change his mind and start going so we could learn together. Well my hopes have been dashed although he has compromised and said he would learn what we bring home to him. In other words we get to teach him. Well I'm not sure I want anyone else dancing with my Handsome Honey as his usual dancing can only be classified as "dirty dancing". Trust me when I say hubba hubba!!! I love dancing with him...wish we could go do it more often. Well soon we may even if it is at home or at M's house as we teach him some new moves. In the mean time I haven't gone for two weeks now. Things are just too hectic around here. Tawny and family will be here in less than two weeks. School is done the end of May and I have a list of things I want to get done.
So for now Dance Class will have to wait. Maybe in the fall when things slow down again and I can't work outside I'll start up again.
I am so looking forward to this weekend. We will finally have a full weekend just for us. We are going to work on the house and yard to get ready for company coming. I want things to look nice. The yard needs mowing and we really need to get a kennel up for the dogs. I think I can get the house pretty much done before this weekend. Then if we do the yard over the weekend next week will just be keeping things clean. I think I can handle that.
My job at school will become lighter after this Friday as my little gal is leaving to have surgery and won't be back this year. I'm still not sure what my job will be as of next year. I just hope I have one!!
I am also looking forward to my brother-in-law and his family moving here this summer. They were talking about moving sometime the beginning of July. Please be praying that God will just lay it out for them and lead them as they move ahead with this. They feel sure that God is leading them here. I'm just so excited!! I wish summer was here already.
Well I suppose I better go get something done. I think I need a list just so I don't forget what I want to get done. Even with a list I'll probably still forget!!!

I think its a record!!

Four posts in one month. That is amazing for me!! I'm patting myself on the back...giving myself a high five...Wow that exerted too much energy!! Now I may have to take a nap! Just kidding. I have been wanting to post for a few days now but the time just hasn't been there. I get on to check weather, other peoples blogs( they write more often than me!!), play on Facebook and sometimes read a chapter at eHarlequin. That about sums up my time on the computer lately. So tonight I thought as long as the little guy was otherwise occupied I would get on and tell you what's been going on here.
Not a lot!! Actually things are going rather well. We have a new neighbor, although we haven't met her yet. She has two small children and doesn't seem to be around when we are. So we will have to work on that.
My job is going well. I am really enjoying it for the most part. Sometimes the kids are a little difficult but the teacher I work with is very good with them. She is also very good about helping us to know what to do with them. So I have enjoyed my time.
James is doing well too, although it has been really hard on him since Keith died. Work just isn't the same with him gone. We are trying to be there for each other and Keith's wife also. She and Keith were very good friends of ours so this has been a really hard transition for all of us. I started going to a dance class with M and some of her other friends. We have a lot of fun and it is something different to do. James doesn't come to the class so it is just us girls and then whoever happens to be there learning too. It has been good to have a girls night out!
Jeremiah is loving school and is doing awesome. I can hardly believe that he is almost done with Kindergarten and will be a First Grader next year. He has grown so much. Only 25 days of school left and then we can have a summer to recuperate!! I am hoping that we will be able to get some stuff done around the house. I think James is going to give the goat away and then we can clean out the dog kennel and use it for the dogs again!! Hallelujah!! Tucker is the diggin'est dog I have ever been around and now Freedom is picking up on it too. So my flowerbeds will all have to be replanted this year. Oh well that's life!
We are looking forward to the end of May not only because school will be out....but the end of May also means....Tawny and her family will come for a visit and Levi and his bride will hopefully move back here. That is the plan right now I guess or they might move a little later, not sure yet. It will be nice to have them back. I am really looking forward to Tawny and family being here as I get to have fun and spoil the Grand babies. Boy do I miss them!!!!!!!
Aidyn is 3 now and Ely is 1 1/2. I get to see them on Web cam and also talk to them on the phone occasionally. Aidyn is really talking good and Ely isn't far behind.
Well I think I have pretty well caught up on news for now. More later.....

Recovering from a long weekend!

Today was a good day. Two of our kiddos were not at school so that made for an easy day. Which was extremely nice after a long, hard weekend.
We worked in my mom's yard on Saturday. She has some huge trees with lots of dead branches. So my sister's family, my brother's family and my family all got together and cleaned up the trees and her yard. We worked from about 10 in the morning until 7:30 at night. Then finally had to quit. It was a long day but the yard and trees look awesome and now hopefully she won't worry about the kids playing under the trees. She has really been worried that some of the branches could come down and hit one of them while they are playing. We all had a good time even though it was hard work.
Then Sunday we went to church in the morning, then shopping right afterward. Then it was grab a quick bite of lunch and head up to our friends place to help her move an 800 pound file safe. That was a lot of work right there!! Once we got the safe in place and unloaded some other furniture it was off to the neighbors to help them raise their flagpole up again. The flag had ripped the rope down in a wind storm and they had to take the pole down to restring it. So we helped get it back up so they could fly the flag again. Really missed seeing it fly.
We are doing a lot of praying for my Brother-in-law and his family as they are planning on moving back to Billings in the near future. So PLEASE pray that all will go well with that. They feel they are in God's will and that is the best place to be so we will see what happens.
Hope you all are doing well. Take care!!

Having a little fun...

My daughter and I are messing with my page. The fun part is that she is two states away and we are on the webcam as we play and get it figured out. She designed my new header and is helping me figure out how to get three columns up and running. Although I like it both ways with 2 columns or 3 so may play with that a little.

Anyway decided to share a picture while I was at it. My husband and son were having a little fun of their own the other day. So I snapped a quick pic of them.

Here is a picture of my Grandbabies that my daughter sent to me. They have gotten so big since the last time I saw them!!

Here's hoping it works!! I got a new computer and have been spending time on it setting things up the way I want them to be. I am working full time at the school now and totally love it! Might even get to have the summer off as James has gone to flat rate at his work.
Some very hard news since my last post...a very good friend of ours had a heart attack and died. He was just a few years older than me. His wife is doing pretty good for now. We all were just devastated by this loss. James was hit hardest as he had just lost his younger brother in September and now his best friend. He is doing ok, but I worry about him.
I started going to a dance class with my friend M( she is the one who lost her husband). There are five of us in a group that decided to start this class and boy are we having fun. It is a swing dance class and we are all learning the basic steps right now. It has been a kick!

Once again

Here I am again. I guess blogging often just doesn't happen for me. A lot has happened since the last post. I had to go read it before I wrote my post to make sure of how long it had been.
Well I am in much better spirits. I worked my last day at Lowe's on February 1st. I was sorry to be done but also oh so happy. That was a Friday and by Tuesday I was working at the school as a paraprofessional. I have to wait till March to become full time but I am "subbing" in the position I am to get. I work with special education kids and I am having fun with it. The hours are perfect as I can take J to school when I go and pick him up on my way out the door. My MIL works there too and she takes him with her for the first 15 or 20 minutes before the other para's get there. I have to do a crosswalk duty first thing so he can't go with me. So it works out well that he gets to spend some time every morning with his Grandma J. I really enjoy being back at the school even if it is in a different place then before.
I have seen my counselor several times and it has helped immensely. Also I think changing jobs helped too. I now have time for my family and friends. I really missed that. James and I have had some nice talks on Saturday mornings. It is so good to be able to talk with him and just hang out.
In January, James bought me a Golden Retriever for our Anniversary. Tucker is an awesome pup. I really like having him around. He is so cute and cuddly. Freedom and Tucker get along really well and they play outside all the time.
I had some tests done in February and all is well in those areas. That had been causing some anxiety also. So now I am feeling much more in control again!! At least for now.
I have some really cool news too. My son got married on February 27th then drove here to be with us. They eloped in Coeur D' Alene. My daughter and her husband were there and sent a text with picture to let us know. Then on their way here, their car broke down and we had to go get them and then trailer the car here too. So now their little mini vacation will be extended a bit!! They are talking of moving back but I guess we will see what happens. I hope all works well for them. I am just so happy they got married!!!
My daughter sent me some pictures of her family and that was awesome. I can't believe how big the babies are getting. A is now 3 and E is 1 1/2. They are so adorable. Of course that could be the Grandma in me speaking but they really are cute!!
Well they are having fun playing Rock Band in the other room so I think I will go join in for a few minutes. It really is a fun game. Levi brought his PS3 and some games. Lots of fun!!
Anyway, I want to thank you for your prayers and know that I am praying for all of you too!! Even if you are just stopping by and I don't know you, I will still be praying for you. Hope all is well with everyone!!

I Know its been a Long time.....

I'm sorry. I know its been a long time since I posted but I let life get to hectic and now I am paying for it. When I started my new job in June I was so excited. Then in December I decided to put in for full time. Only problem is you have to be available 6 am to 10 pm Monday through Friday. Well I got the job and now after only one month I know the schedule isn't going to work. I guess I was only looking at the benefits and the extra $$. I've been having anxiety attacks ever since I interviewed for it and then after I got it they got worse. Now that I have figured out what is going on I have to do something about it and I'm not sure my Manager is going to like it. But I have to talk to her today and let her know it isn't working out and I need to only work Monday - Friday 8 - 5 and maybe and occasional weekend with closing or something. no more nights and every weekend. My family and I can't take it. It may mean getting a new job but I guess that is life. I hope I can find something and I am praying and relying on God for that. I already put in an application at a bank that is just down the street from where we live and I am hoping that it will work out. The hours and benefits would work great. So please pray that God would work in this. I really want his will in my life and am looking for it. I have started reading more in my daily Bible study. I know it is important to be in His Word if you want to know what He wants for you. And I am praying more.
This has been a wake up call for me. I can't let my life get out of control because it causes me great anxiety and depression. I've started seeing a counselor again and also am making some changes in my daily life. I need to be taking care of myself physically, and mentally. I've let friendships go by the wayside because my schedule has been so hectic and I haven't spent near enough time with my immediate family either. My dad had brain surgery in August and I've only seen him twice I think since then. And I haven't been able to go to him, he has had to come here.
There are so many things that come into play here. Job being the biggest but also Jeremiah starting school this year. Levi moving to Spokane, my BIL Matthew dying, my late husband's dad died in November of cancer, I haven't had much time for relationships and I feel guilty about wanting to be home and also loving my job and wanting to be there. A lot of pulling going on with the job. It is fun and I love it but the schedule is crappy. So time for some new things to happen.
Sorry to be dumping on all of you but I guess that is what this blog is all about for me. Being real with people since I have a hard time doing it in person. I love my family and extended family so much and I miss spending time with them. There are so many things that I have been missing that I have felt like I am not a part any more.
Today I will talk with my manager and later I will let you know how that goes. Pray for me today and in the days to follow that God would work in my life and help me make the right steps to feeling better and doing what He wants me too. Also pray for James and Jeremiah as they have to live with me as I walk through this!!!
Love you all and have a great day!!